Judd Has A Gun
by The Anon Train
Summary: this was funnier when it was being tossed around but now that i wrote it it's kinda messy. judd has a gun, bang bang


"(The match is finished,)" Judd meowed loud for all to hear, "(Teams, please gather at the center of the arena.)"

Lanny was on the edge of his seat. He licked a few of the crumbs of potato chips that were stuck to his lips and placed his Octoking Facemask back over them. Under the mask, he was grinning madly. Today was the grand finals, and his favorite team had just won. They had been practically bulldozing the competition. Their sniper made good use of their Charger, practically a wall between the enemy team and the Splat Zone. There was something graceful about her movements. She dodged like she mained the Dualies and she dipped through ink and dashed between enemies flawlessly. Even on the off chance she got hit with any amount of ink, she shrugged it off like it was nothing, even going as far as to wink to the camera whenever it zoomed in.

Lanny, for lack of a better term, was basically in love with the girl on his laptop monitor.

Of course, he wasn't the only one. He was one of many that were part of Ms. Perfect Charger's fanbase. Everyone was enamored with her. Squid Sisters? Practically a memento of the past. Off the Hook? What, were you supposed to get the hots for the local weathergirl? Ms. Perfect Charger (no one actually knew her real name) had attracted practically the greatest following of modern memory.

Thousands of fans would show up to her practice matches, nevermind the actual matches. She was their queen. Even if she didn't really acknowledge many fans individually, something about the way she smiled made Inkling boys and girls, young and older, love her. Fan-art was drawn, appreciation was screamed out on social media.

Lanny sneered at the opposing team. A bunch of nameless peons. Whoever the team was, they weren't ever really considered in the equation. Sloppy. Pointless. Worthless. Compared to Her, they were just a bunch of losers, and them daring to have tried was an insult of the highest caliber.

Lanny was one of the more sympathetic fans. Most of the other kids, especially the diehard fans, were borderline obsessive. In the background, overlooking the stage, were other fans, flying banners and cheering with signs, praising Her while denouncing the other team. As a matter of fact, a lot of the other fans were sneering with Lanny. Whoever this other team was didn't matter. Now they were just scum.

That didn't matter much now. All that mattered was the ending results. All the fans looked to Judd. She smiled, nodding and speaking with the enemy team, pointing out different tidbits and gesturing to the map. The four losers smiled with her, nodding and speaking among themselves. Even with all the smiling, the air was still charged with tension and insults. Her three other teammates just sat, giving the crowd the occasional look only to turn away disappointed.

Judd cleared his throat. "(Actually, before we continue, Li'l Judd and I have to say something."

Behind Judd popped out a smaller, fuzzier Judd with beady black eyes. His entrance was met with both "awwwws" and jeers from the impatient crowd.

"Get on with it!"

Judd gave the camera a curt nod. "(I understand that you want to hear the results, so here it is. Li'l Judd?)"

Lanny leaned in close to his computer screen. This would be Her fifth tournament win. He was already prepared to celebrate. She would be in the Square, not too far from his apartment, and he'd finally get to meet Her in person.

He, among thousands of others, heard the shot ring out and would continue to hear it for quite some time.

She fell, a perfectly-shaped hole between her perfect eyes red eyes. Her team, the losers, and the fans watched in a sort of shocked awe. By all means, it was an impressive shot with how symmetrically the object fired had managed to land. Ms. Perfect Charger practically melted within seconds, fading away into a puddle of pink ink.

People stared in disbelief. The crowd was mostly silent. There were even a few nervous chuckles from them as if this was all just an early April Fool's joke. A very good one. They stared, waiting for her to come back, maybe even rise from the puddle.

She never did. Judd continued, "(These are guns. Me and Li'l Judd have decided that we want to stop being the judges and leave it up to the greater ones. Nyaow, these weapons are special. They don't shoot ink, but they do shoot these things called bullets.)"

One of the girls on Her team had slumped over, desperately clawing at the ink. There were viscous pink tears forming in her eyes, and despite her clearly screaming, something must've been off about the mics, because no one heard her. They were too fixated on Judd.

Li'l Judd and Judd revealed their guns to the camera. "(This is what the humans used to call a 'Glock'. It's purr-etty boring to explain everything about it, so I'll keep it brief. The bullets inside here are a bit special.)"

The enemy team had flocked to Her team's side. Their mouths were agape, and they attempted to calm down her teammates. Her entire team was in shambles. Almost as if they were crippled, they refused to stand up from the spot where She was shot dead.

"(You get splatted with one of them,)" Judd explained, closing one eye as he cocked the gun again, "(You're not coming back, meow.)"

At this point, the crowd was getting rather uncomfortable. They were asking questions to one another in hushed tones that combined into a dissonant roar. Without speaking, Li'l Judd pointed his "Glock" at Her team. They looked up, fear apparent in their eyes. Three short bangs later, and the pink puddle on the ground grew larger. The enemy team backed away, hands on their weapons. Li'l Judd's beady eyes honed in on them, narrowing in like he had spotted his next meal.

"(Sarana, Ilika, and Jonah,)" Judd announced, '(Those were three of Her teammates that Li'l Judd just killed. None of you ever really bothered to remember, and I don't think you will now.)"

Li'l Judd picked up his gun in his mouth and went on all fours. The crowd began to disperse, and fast. Fans dropped their flags of support and attempted to run. Li'l Judd's eyes glinted, and he scampered towards the crowd, clearing ground on the stage at a speed unprecedented. More screaming followed, and the sound of people bursting as bullets ran through their heads. Li'l Judd's accuracy was impeccable, unfortunately for the other Inklings.

The enemy team started to position themselves. Their Roller ran head-on, flicking his weapon at the cat, howling a battle cry as he did. Judd, without moving a step, aimed and fired. His Roller clattered as another bullet ricocheted by. The cameras became unfocused and abandoned, jittering as rapid footsteps pounded in the distance. The gun's strange firing noises were loud, but somehow much quieter than the fleeing audience.

Soon, the sound of gunfire, screaming, and running came to an eerie halt. The camera showcasing the event was picked up, and Judd was dead center.

"Meow. (We're not finished. We'll see you soon.)"

Lanny's heart skipped a beat. Without a second thought, he shut his laptop and thrust it aside. He was breathing heavily through his mask. Walking speedily to his apartment door, he double-checked that the door was locked, then locked it again anyway. He had his back to the door, sliding low to the apartment floor, gasping as tears threatened. She was gone, and so were so many others. A few of his friends had gone to see the event in-person. What happened to them? Were they dead too? Why would Judd do this?

A familiar pop snapped him out of it back into the present. Shrinking to a crouch, Lanny approached his window from below and scanned the area outside. People were screaming again. Lanny witnessed Inkling after Inkling run past, only to fall flat and dissolve. Jellyfish on the streets weren't spared either and were quickly popped like they were balloons. Lanny shut the blinds closed and transformed into a small, shaking orange squid.

His heart beat faster and faster as he took shelter in the far corner of his apartment under his bed. The terror from outside continued, as more shots rang out. The shrieking became quieter the longer the shots went on. Eventually, the firing paused. Lanny, shrunk between the corner under his bed, shook violently.

Then the skittering began. The sound of nails scratching against wood and tiles. The creaking of the floorboards. Lanny's pupils shrunk as he heard them move. A door opened somewhere close to Lanny, he could hear. He could hear a disoriented grunt of surprise, then a pop. Silence. Skitter. Pop. Silence. The pattern continued, while the noises just got closer.

His apartment door opened with a noticeable creak. Lanny took a deep breath and held it while attempting to stifle his shivering. Skittering. From underneath his bed, Lanny could see black and white enter through the open door. Two sets of four black and white legs. Skitter. They got closer and closer, around furniture and across the room. They were making a beeline for his bed. Lanny scrunched up in the corner as if it would hide him, but there was nowhere else for him to go.

"(Fanboys are so impressionable.)"

Lanny burst out from his bed as an orange squid, switching into an Inkling to run for the door. He was stumbling, sobbing with each gasp and slow. An easy pick for the cats. Lanny felt something pass through his leg and was introduced to what bullets felt like.

It entered quick and exited just as quickly. Orange gushed from his calf and down to the floor. Lanny's leg felt moist, hot, and useless. The pain shot up from his leg and infected his lower half, causing him to buckle and drop to the floor. This sting was quick, but it continued to numb him and burn through his calf up to his thigh.

Lanny instinctively attempted to return to squid form, but in trying to do he found the incredibly agonizing fire sensation in his leg to be too much to attempt. So there he was, sitting on the floor, bleeding as the two cats stared at him. His leg grew hotter and heavier, and his pupils had dilated intensely.

Judd raised his gun. "(I'm done with you kids and your fanaticism.)"

Li'l Judd raised his gun as well, pointing at his forehead. A second passed, and Judd and Li'l Judd made to leave the puddle to its apartment and its computer. They shut the door, not making a sound as they scurried away.

* * *

thanks p for the idea and drawing the cover. this got out of hand quickly


End file.
